Bottoms up

It had a metallic sweetness to it that made my stomach churn with nausea, and as I sipped on the noxious cocktail all I could think was, I still have 16 ounces of this stuff to finis!  It is day three of my pre colonoscopy and endoscopy prep and so far, this is the most unpleasant part of it.  Tomorrow is the day I will have a small tube-like mechanism with a camera on the end of it poke around to take an in-depth look through my body in order to discover just what the hell is going on with my digestive system.

Two days ago I started my ‘low fiber’ diet, which is primarily food with zero nutritional value and loads of sugar. Hey any excuse for sugar is the diet for me! But seriously, it wasn’t all bad and list included some of my favorite things like pretzels, saltines, pancakes and and peanut butter. The only real food I have eaten these past fews days are melon, ripened bananas, which I discover I love putting on saltines (weird I know), and eggs that came from happy cage-free country chickens I promise. Saturday I stuck to my diet like a good little patient and had pancakes with peanut butter, how dedicated am I?  It is these delectable memories that I carry with me through this final leg of the purging race.A race, that is exactly what it feels like right now, running back and forth from my bed to the bathroom and keeping myself entertained in between each dash with Netflix.

Before having to forcefully drink the clear 16 oz. liquid prescription that basically incinerates your insides and simulates a watered-down version of ebola (too soon?), I was ‘hangry’ and strung out on sorbet all day.   You see, on the third day of prep you begin your ‘clear liquid diet’ and sorbet was the closest thing to solid food permitted on this fabulous liquified menu. After the impending clock stuck five today, I had to take my first of two doses of a bowel prep kit and after finishing one this evening I am not sure if I am going to have the courage to polish off another one tomorrow morning at 7:30 AM.

Oddly enough what really scares me about this procedure isn’t the constant race back and forth or the putrid brew, but it is the idea of the anesthesia. I have yet to be put under since I have fortunately never had to have surgery, and for some odd reason, I do not like the idea of not being in control of my consciousness.  I am the commander of this crazy ship and having a stranger being the master of my awareness is just something I cannot get comfortable with.  Many have tried to soothe my apprehension and have told me this is the most painless part, it is just like falling asleep.  This should be easy shouldn’t it? Then why am I nervous? Most people would complain that the bowel prep is the hardest part, however for me the test will come tomorrow as I give the helm of dreams away to another and pray they sail my ship through calm waters.

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